Dreaming in Memory

So I'm going to diverge a bit from my usual rant of environmental and parenting topics to talk about dreams. That being said, my friend Bryan will deeply appreciate this post for more than one reason. Let it get weird. :)

what do you dream?
I dream A LOT, almost nightly, and vividly. And I usually remember my dreams, too. Some are random, funny compilations of the people in my life, like the one about Bryan and I trying out for the Spring Musical and Jared coaching us as we strained our voices to the tune of "Separate Lives."

But many of them are memories, actual days, moments, whatever, stored up in my brain. It's like I have a file drawer up there full of people, events, emotions, everything, and my subconscious decides, quite randomly, which card will be drawn that night.

And most of the time, as my husband will tell you (and to quote Buster), it's a wild, wild ride.

dreaming in memory
So I'm going to preface this by saying that my husband knows that I dream about past boyfriends and he's fine with it - he even gets a kick out of it.

In my dreams, I find myself remembering days in clear, chronological details I couldn't otherwise remember, like names and faces of people long forgotten, a food I ate, the cologne he wore, etc. Sometimes I am aware that I am dreaming: That this moment, this day, is past. This person is gone from my life - or this world, even - but that I am somehow back with them, if for a moment. And then, just like that, I can choose to stay in that moment and live it in it's entirety all over again.

Jared said I should look it up, this memory dreaming of mine, but I'm writing this before I do that. I guess I'm curious to hear other people's experiences rather that some scientists boring explanation. Besides, I'll choose the "heart" explanation over the "head" one any day.

I once dreamt about being a little girl again, sick with the flu. No one wanted me near them except my beautiful Italian grandfather. In my dream, as in real life so many years ago, I lay my head in his lap and cry because I don't feel good. But in the dream, I'm also AWARE that I'm dreaming, that he's dead now, dead at 52 before a gray hair graced his jet-black, curly haired head. It's terrible.

But more often than not, and thankfully, it's not my dead grandparents that show up in my dreams.

the people I remember
Most of the time, I dream of former friends and old flames. Last night I dreamed about the night I met one of my old boyfriends (If you're reading this - Hi, Brian!) when I was 16. And when I woke up, I not only remembered odd details - like how he ran into the bathroom when he found out how old I was - but I felt like I had just met him last night.

It's hard to explain how bizarre this experience is. The only way I can describe it is the feeling you get when you come home after going out to run errands at night, and when you walk through the door you get hit with the aroma all over again. But you had that meal nine years ago.

It's like their face is burned into my brain again, and I remember all the reasons I cared for them, loved them... (and subsequently, all of the crappy things I did or said to them). The details are so vivid - the smell of campfire on my clothes, the softness of that gray t-shirt, or just feeling so safe... And I wake up knowing I won't be able to get them out of my head until I reach out to them.

I'm sure they find it bizarre, how out of nowhere they get a phone call (at work, in Chicago no less) asking how they're doing. And I find it bizarre, and unspeakably sad, that someone can recognize my voice immediately after more than 7 years, and never return that call.

what it all means. if anything
I'm dying to get my best friend's opinion on this, seeing as how she's a psychologist and all (Post here, Lauren!), about what could trigger these memories and why I feel I can't I move on without contacting these people. Divine intervention? Possibly. Regardless, I pray for them. But that doesn't quell my need - and it does feel like a need - to reach out to them, hear their voice and feel that they're not lost to me anymore.

Luckily I have a beautiful amazing husband who humors me and likes to hear my crazy dreams and the exchanges I have with the people I get in touch with. He's over the moon when I tell him that I dream of him, though it's rare. I guess that's because (get ready to gag) I'm living the dream with him everyday. (Even though he forgets to mention that he's married in Facebook conversations, and plans to flee the country with our son because they'd have the "best chance for survival." LOL)

What do you dream? And what do you think it all means? Am I just a bored housewife who lacks adventure and substance in her life? Or is my heart telling me that I have unfinished business with some very key people from my past? The latter, I hope. My dreams, if nothing else, give me a very deep, almost aching appreciation for the people who have shaped me into the woman I am. Even the wife. The mother.

I'd love to hear your dreams. Your thoughts on this. To find out if I'm unique in my dreaming and what it all means. But most of all, I hope the people I've been dreaming of will someday remember me in the vivid, burning, brilliant detail that I remember them. And feel blessed to have done so.